If Only!
Jake laced up his shoes, straightened his jacket, dusted off his jeans, and jumped in his car. All of Jake’s friends watched him as he drove off, leaving behind a dust cloud and the smell of burnt rubber. They had no idea where Jake was going and neither did Jake.
Jake gripped the steering wheel a little harder, then turned the radio on full blast. “Bennie and the Jets” by Elton John and the flash of Jake’s red corvette were the only things that passerby’s heard as Jake sped through town. As he saw his reflection in the rear view mirror, Jake though to himself, “I’m gonna ask her to marry me.” Jake could’ve only been talking about one girl. Abby Bond. Abby was the most beautiful girl in the world. Plus, Abby’s father, Rick, was the most powerful man on Earth.
Jake was bound and determined to marry Abby, so once he arrived at the Bond’s house, he demanded Rick to let his daughter marry him. Rick said, “If you can out drink me, you can marry my daughter.” So, Jake reared his head back and started drinking as much booze as he could. He drank and drank until the mighty Rick Bond could drink no more, and accept this defeat. As the tequila soaked Rick stood up, he announced that it would be an honor if Jake married his daughter. So, Abby jumped in Jake’s corvette, and they rode away from the house.
Jake grabbed Abby’s hand and began to smile as he drove down the highway. His life was complete. He was now engaged to the most beautiful girl in the world. He looked deeply into her eyes and began to lean in to kiss her. As he leaned in to kiss her, he heard, “dude what are you doing?”. Jake instantly woke up from his nap. His friend Joe was looking at him puzzled. Joe stood up and put his backpack on. Joe then said, “man, I don’t mind you sitting next to me in class, but you’ve gotta stop holding my hand and calling me Abby.”
Author’s Note: I created this story based off of “The Hemp-Smoker’s Dream”. In this story, the main character dreams the entire story because of the hemp, so he decides to go to China and marry the King’s daughter. So, he has a great adventure, but at the end of the story, he wakes up in a barbershop and has to apologize to the barber for his dreaming.
Bibliography: Persian Tales: The Hemp-Smoker’s Dream, translated by D.L.R. Lorimer and E.O. Lorimer and illustrated by Hilda Roberts (1919).
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Hi Levi!
ReplyDeleteI liked your plot twist at the end of the story. It gave me a good chuckle when Jake woke up and was holding Joe's hand. That part was also relatable because there's so many people that do weird things in their sleep, like sleepwalking or talk in their sleep, and they don't even notice until someone tells them after the fact.
Jake's attraction of Abby got me curious. What is it about Abby that makes Jake so smitten? Does Abby even know Jake exists? The other thing I was curious about was the setting of the story. Do the characters go to high school, or a nearby college? While it ended up being a dream in the end, I was getting concerned about the drinking. Is Jake of age to drink? If so, is it safe for him to drive his corvette afterwards? Could they have jumped in Abby's car, or maybe Jake and Abby should've stayed at the house for their and Abby's dad's safety. Jake probably shouldn't be driving, and Abby's dad should have someone with him if he drank so much. Maybe instead of driving off in the sunset, Jake and Abby share a romantic kiss have a movie date in the house, or Jake stays the night or something like that.
Nonetheless, you did a great job on this story!
Hi there, Levi!
ReplyDeleteI thought your story was very well written and easy to follow along with. However, let's pretend that I am Abby's father, Rick Bond. What if I had tricked your character Jake rather than I being the loser? I could have been drinking water while I gave Jake vodka or something resembling my non alcoholic drink. I would be a bit suspicious of your intent to marry my daughter as one of the reasons seemed to be my abundance of power and not your true love for my precious daughter. I think that it would be more characteristic of a father and daughter to have him be overly protective and not let her go based on a drinking competition. Also I think that one thing that confuses me, is why I seem to have such a low tolerance for alcohol over a person that seems to be a teenager or college student. I think that I would have out up more than a fight to win. Overall though, a well written story, just a few little gaps and things to think about.
Hello!
ReplyDeleteThis was a really interesting story to read and I really enjoyed it. I love how the main character wakes up in the end and is actually just at the barber shop and fell asleep. This really made me chuckle but I love the actual story itself as well. I found it funny that you had the characters drink a lot in this story and it gave me a good laugh. Overall, great story and I loved reading it!