Comment Wall

 Here is the link to my Storybook: Link



Coyote! (Source: Wikipedia)

Comments

  1. Hi, Levi, great introduction! I really like how you chose a record keeper/storyteller for your storybook to give it context and a reason for existing. It's fantastic that you chose a literal bird's eye view. However, going forward, I would be wary of writing in too omniscient of a voice. You've established that these stories are from the perspective of the hawk. So, the hawk won't know what the fox and coyote are thinking. It can only tell us what it sees. I think this will be a positive thing for your stories. You will have to really show us what these characters are thinking instead of just telling us outright.

    I really enjoy the idea of the bumbling idiot fox trying to imitate his cool, sly coyote cousin. I think you could write some really funny stories with that premise. I would love to see an ending where the fox does succeed in tricking someone. Maybe he could even trick his cousin. While introducing these characters, you mention the fox is dumb twice. They're very close to each other. I would suggest removing one of them to tighten up your writing and make it flow a bit better.

    Overall, good job so far!

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  2. Hi Levi!
    I think you have a very solid starting point to work off of for your storybook!
    I'll start by giving a bit of feedback on your site layout.
    I think the layout you have set up on your introduction is great, it's clean and simple, and it looks good.
    But your home page could probably use some sprucing up. We have this title, "The Coyote And The Boy", with no explanation of how that connects to anything else on the site.
    Your introduction makes no mention of a boy, but even if it did, it might be good to have a little something on the home page to explain the title and the theme of the storybook briefly.
    If you do that, you might try to make it look more like your introduction page, and I think adding a splash of color like you did with the red would make the page look much more polished, since the white calls a lot of attention to the empty space.
    As for your introduction, I think it does a very good job of giving an overview of what the storybook is going to be about.
    The only thing there is that, in your introduction, you have some grammar issues where you forgot apostrophes and slipped into present tense instead of past tense.
    It'd likely be a good idea to fix those things in order to polish the introduction to a beautiful shine, since that will be one of the first things people see.
    I wish you the best of luck with your storybook!

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  3. Hi Levi!
    I think your site looks great. I love how the title is very bolded at the top and very easy for people to tell what your site is about which I think is great. I also like the picture and think that it stands out a lot because it is a beautiful animal. I also like the colors of the site and think they stand out as well. I also think that your introduction is great. It gives a good intro to what your story is going to be about and introduces many of the characters which gives people a great understanding of what and who to look out for. I think introducing the hawk first would be a great thing to do because that is the title of the page when looking at it. But I do think you do a great job of introducing the characters and what their roles are in the story.

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  4. Hi Levi! I was a big fan of the way that your website looked. I love the way that you made the fox and coyote cousins. I also like that you made the fox dumb because foxes are sometimes portrayed as cleaver creatures but in the wild they have been known to do some dumb things. I think that you did a great job with the world building in this story. You made me very interested in the characters in a very brief time period. I like that you are making this from the perspective of the hawk who minds his business but obviously he had to be noisy by always watching but never joining in. It makes me really intrigued to see all of the shenanigans that the fox and coyote will get into and how the coyote will constantly have to get the fox out of trouble.

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  5. Hello Levi! I really do love the way your website is designed and the visual presentation of it. I think the colors and organizational structure look great. I also really like the name of your blog. The feedback I'd like to give is maybe lighten up the dark gray on your comment wall, but honestly overall, I think it is very visually appealing and looks very professional. I hope you have been enjoying the semester so far and have liked reading and rewriting stories every week. I think you did a great job in your introduction post as well. It was very well written and informational. Overall, I think that you have done a stellar job at organizing and designing your story book. I love it!

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  6. Hello Levi,
    I love the layout of your website. I love the simplistic approach that you had in designing it, it is not overwhelming and keeps the visitors eyes moving. You have a very professional look to the website. I absolutely love the Chicken Fried Steak story, I had a few laughs and now have a craving for some good ole' southern cooking. I like how you told the story through the chickens perspective, it provided a bit of irony, and the fact that the coyote thought it was called that because chickens made it was hysterical. I love your sense of comedy within your writing, it keeps the reader intrigued and read to the end. I look forward to reading more from you in the upcoming weeks.

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